Chap Chat

What does it mean to “Leave it at the Gate”?

Most of us have issues at home that we need to deal with. These issues can strongly affect our thoughts and actions every day. But sometimes we let these issues interfere with other things in our life…

When we come to school (or go to work), we need to learn how we can put these things aside… It doesn’t mean the issues aren’t still very important; but what is important is learning how to differentiate between time and place. There is a time and a place for everything, and sometimes what we are dealing with in our home life is not appropriate to deal with at school (or work).

For example: This morning I was really tired. And when I get really tired, I get really cranky… And because I was really cranky, I got really upset with some students who were doing the wrong thing… Was it appropriate for me to get really upset with them, just because I was in a bad mood? No. It was appropriate that I deal with their wrong behaviour, but it was not appropriate for me to be really upset with them. I didn’t “Leave it at the Gate”!

Sometimes when we have problems at home, we ‘bring’ them to school with us. When that happens, we might act up in class, fight with a friend, or even bully someone else… It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your problems, or you can’t think about them; what is important is learning how to deal with the emotions that build up inside of you.

If you can’t leave your problems ‘at the gate’, find someone you can talk to – a friend, counsellor, guidance officer, social worker, teacher, chaplain… anyone you feel safe with, who can help you just by being a listening ear. If you are able to talk through your thoughts and feelings, it can help you to deal with them… and it might just save you getting into more trouble than you deserve!

Shalom

Where do you belong…?

When I was younger, I found it very hard to ‘belong’ to a group… We started moving around just when I started high school. In Grade 7 it wasn’t so bad - It was my first move; I was reasonably confident in myself; and it was to a smaller school in a smaller town where everyone tended to join in together. In Grade 8, I went to three different schools in three different towns… This was much harder. By the third school I had lost my confidence and my ability to ‘make friends’. I didn’t know how to start a friendship, I didn’t know how to just join in with another group. I was very much an ‘outsider’…

 I guess that my biggest problem was the fact that I didn’t really have much confidence in myself – I have always been surprised when others want to be friends with me, as my low self-esteem makes me assume that I am not worth knowing… Although this is not true, it makes me portray a different person to others than who I really am. A friend at school later told me that at first she thought I was a snob, because I didn’t seem to want to play with them… I certainly wasn’t a snob, I just didn’t know how to join in…

Eventually I was asked to join a Youth Group… This gave me a group to be a part of, and I finally made some friends and felt like I belonged. I finally gained my confidence back, and now I try to look out for others who seem to be on their own.

Do you belong? It is really important to be part of a group. If you are part of a group, you are never truly alone…

If you are not part of a group now, there are many options. Some people belong to a sporting group, but this may not be for you. There are several youth groups which run locally (for those in my region): Midway Point, Sorell, Carlton, Primrose Sands… some are run by the council, some by community members, some by churches. If you would like to be part of a group, but don’t know how or where, just ask me and I will help find somewhere for you.

Do you belong? I hope so…

Shalom

What is it about swearing that sets some people off? For some of you ’swear’ words may be part of your normal language – especially if it’s all around you at home and with friends. If this is the case for you, then it may be confusing when teachers and other adults seem surprised or shocked if you use ‘inappropriate’ language. So, if swearing is so widely used, why do people get so upset about it?

 Over the next few weeks our school is looking at inappropriate language. It’s all about learning when it’s okay to use it, and when it’s not.

Some inappropriate language is never okay. When words are used in an abusive manner, or to deliberately offend, this is not okay. There is a tendency to use offensive language and name calling, especially when fighting amongst friends, which can be hurtful and demeaning. There is a saying that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. This is a misleading saying, because I have seen many people hurt by what their ‘friends’ have been saying about them.

How do you react when you are feeling hurt? Do you retaliate with more name-calling in return? Before you react, have a think about what you are wanting to say and do. Would you feel hurt or demeaned by it? There is another saying which says ”Treat others the way you would want to be treated” – you may have heard it said differently – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. In other words, if you wouldn’t like to hear certain words said against you, or if you would feel hurt if you were treated in a certain way, don’t do it to other people.

Mind your language, and think about your behaviour. What would you think of you if you were listening in to yourself…?

Shalom

Have you ever heard this term before? Do you know what it really means? It basically means that you can’t judge a person by what you see.

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve been looking at first impressions. Even though you can’t determine what someone is like just by looking at them, we all try to do it anyway. As soon as we see someone for the first time we decide what we think of them, before we get to know them properly.

That is why it is so important to be aware of our behaviour at all times. There is always someone watching, making an opinion of us even without knowing us. Is this fair? Not really, but it happens anyway.

As you go out, think about the fact that people are watching you and making an opinion of what they think you are like. Are they liking what they see, or have they already decided you are not worth knowing?

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can get a pretty good idea…

Shalom!

These last few weeks of term we have been discussing ‘goal setting’ – the importance of understanding what it is you would like to achieve, when you would like to achieve it, and how you are going to go about it.

Unfortunately for me, I have always hated setting goals – it’s just not my ‘thing’… Unfortunately for me, this has also left me floundering at times when it was important to achieve something by a set time or for a set purpose.

Today I had a goal – to finally ‘fix’ my blog avatar, and to write my new post… And I managed to do both! I also had other goals I had to achieve today, which included writing reports and making phone calls. So the first thing I did was to write myself a list of what I wanted to achieve. Now, I always know that I should write a list of things, because otherwise I tend to forget what I have to do; but, of course, I usually don’t… But because we’re working on goals I decided I had to set myself an example and actually do it! And lo and behold I have managed to achieve most of my goals for today!! I can recommend writing lists, because it feels so good when you can tick them off as you go…

You may not yet know what it is you want to be ‘when you grow up’; in fact, you may not know what you really want to do next week! And that’s okay – for now… But it is important to start thinking about your dreams for your future. What do you love doing? What are you passionate about? You can do it – you can achieve your dreams (well, within reason…). They will only stay dreams if you choose to let them.

Choose today to set yourself a goal – it may be that you want to save up for something special; or it may be you would like to improve your schooling somehow (marks, behaviour); or it may be a dream of becoming an AFL star! What is your goal? What is your dream? You can become the person you would like to be…

Dream on!

With the Olympics coming up in the next few weeks, our minds tend to turn more towards sport than perhaps they normally would… But what do we see as being important when we look at a sporting event? Is it the winning that really counts? Or is it the way the game is played…?

Have you ever won something, but you had actually cheated to get there? Or perhaps had treated others badly in the process? Or maybe you just played for yourself rather than involving the whole team? Is winning really so important that we should ignore the rules, or other teammates, or the ’spirit’ of the game just so we can walk away with glory?

I used to be very competitive – I love to win! In the same way that most people feel really good when they win. But over the last few years I have realised that I feel much better about myself if I can play fair, and even help others to win sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the winner and striving to get there. But if you really want to feel good about yourself, play fair and look out for others. Encourage those especially who are struggling – even if they’re on the other team!

If you can spend some energy being an encouragement to those around you, you will end up being not only a winner in everyone else’s eyes, but you will feel good about yourself. And then you can strive to win with a clear conscience…

Go on, be a good sport!