Chap Chat

What does it mean to “Leave it at the Gate”?

Most of us have issues at home that we need to deal with. These issues can strongly affect our thoughts and actions every day. But sometimes we let these issues interfere with other things in our life…

When we come to school (or go to work), we need to learn how we can put these things aside… It doesn’t mean the issues aren’t still very important; but what is important is learning how to differentiate between time and place. There is a time and a place for everything, and sometimes what we are dealing with in our home life is not appropriate to deal with at school (or work).

For example: This morning I was really tired. And when I get really tired, I get really cranky… And because I was really cranky, I got really upset with some students who were doing the wrong thing… Was it appropriate for me to get really upset with them, just because I was in a bad mood? No. It was appropriate that I deal with their wrong behaviour, but it was not appropriate for me to be really upset with them. I didn’t “Leave it at the Gate”!

Sometimes when we have problems at home, we ‘bring’ them to school with us. When that happens, we might act up in class, fight with a friend, or even bully someone else… It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your problems, or you can’t think about them; what is important is learning how to deal with the emotions that build up inside of you.

If you can’t leave your problems ‘at the gate’, find someone you can talk to – a friend, counsellor, guidance officer, social worker, teacher, chaplain… anyone you feel safe with, who can help you just by being a listening ear. If you are able to talk through your thoughts and feelings, it can help you to deal with them… and it might just save you getting into more trouble than you deserve!

Shalom

This morning I was very proud to hear news that two friends had sorted out their differences and were back to being best friends again…

It is so easy in any relationship to just ‘give up’ when you have a disagreement with someone. Whether it is a friendship-relationship, or girlfriend/boyfriend-relationship, it is common now to see people just walking away without sorting through the issues.

It is easy to walk away – it is much harder (but shows more strength) to actually talk through the issues. Of course, that doesn’t mean you will be able to talk about them straight away. Maybe there needs to be a temporary ‘walking away’ just to cool off and think through the problems. But at some point it is important to come back to the situation and work through the issues.

That doesn’t mean you still have to be ‘best friends’ or ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’ – sometimes things are said or done that mean you won’t be able to have that same relationship back again. But it is still important to work it through so that you don’t carry with you the pain of never having sorted it out.

We live in a ‘throw-away’ society today, whereby everything is replaceable… But some things are meant to be fixed – especially relationships…

These two friends that I mentioned thought they wouldn’t be able to reconcile their differences, but they did because they knew that their friendship was worth it. Is your relationship worth saving? Talk about it… If you can’t approach the other person yet, then talk to someone else about it (eg, a teacher, counsellor, chaplain, etc). Don’t let one comment or event spoil an important relationship…

Shalom

Greetings,

I had an onerous task to do yesterday afternoon, which had me worried all day… I had to make a phone call to complain about a bill!

Now, I am the sort of person who does not like confrontation, so having to make this phone call was something that had me churning up all day – worrying about what to say and how to say it in such a way as to not offend, but to still get my point across…

I came home from school feeling depressed, because I REALLY didn’t want to make this phone call… but I knew it had to be done (and I also knew that my husband wasn’t going to let me get away with not making the call!). So after getting grumpy and moping about for a while (because I really would have preferred if HE made the call, but it was my problem after all…) I finally built up the courage and made the call… And managed to get it all sorted out without any problems at all!!!!

Sometimes we build up our little problems into such huge problems that they seem insurmountable… Knowing how to deal with the emotional build-up to actually working out the problem can be just as hard as dealing with the problem itself.

Remember that it is always best to face up to your problems, rather than trying to hide from them (like I wanted to do), because the problem won’t just go away, and may just get worse the longer you leave it!

Talking through your problems can help you to deal with all the emotions that go with it. If you have a problem, whether big or little, it is good to talk to a friend you can trust…

Shalom!